The Asocial staff has happened to pick up a survivor, who has just returned from the Dark Web, and agreed to give us an interview in exchange for warm food, dry clothes, and a phone call.
The Asocial (A): Let’s begin, shall we? How did it all begin?
The Survior (S): Well, I was just curious what that Dark Web thing is, you see. I like discovering new things, and Dark Web seems to gain popularity these days, so I decided that it’s the time to find out what’s in there.
A: Sounds reasonable. And how have you joined it?
S: Uh, everything has happened so fast. Let’s see… First, I’ve typed “tor” — you know, that thing that usually gets mentioned together with Dark Web — in a search engine. Turned out I was just a few clicks away from the Tor browser.
A: So that’s how you got into the Dark Web?
S: Not quite, not yet. After running it, I got disoriented, I guess; I have still seen the usual web, though that was slower than usually, and there were captchas everywhere. But I figured that it’s not what they call “Dark Web”, so checked Wikipedia – turned out there is a list of Tor hidden services.
A: Ah-ha, so you have picked a search engine and started your journey?
S: I’ve tried to, but it didn’t look like the best way: they were really poor, perhaps only not evil was somewhat usable. Ended up using something like web directories: The Hidden Wiki initially, and mostly UnderDir then, since the first one is scammy.
A: Isn’t that vintage?
S: I guess you can say so, though it gets worse. Do you remember those web sites from the late 90s and early 00s?
A: Sure, it looked like the web was made exclusively by brain-damaged kids. Well, not that it’s very different now, but what about those?
S: Yeah, indeed it was. You may get nostalgic after looking around the Dark Web: not only it is slow almost as back in those days, but web site designs do resemble those. It’s like a weird time machine, except for occasional portions of junk from the modern age, brought there for no apparent reason.
A: Do they use those background images behind texts, ugly gradients, Comic Sans MS?
S: Yes, yes, they do! Well, not certain about Comic Sans, but there was plenty of different inappropriate fonts, and the rest is definitely there. I don’t know how or why it happens, but it’s just so; got used to that after some time though.
A: Wait, how long have you been there?
S: Oh, it’s hard to tell. I’m quite certain that I didn’t have a beard when it all started, but had a job or something; but, you see, when you have that feeling like you are in the past, the sense of time gets pretty distorted. And all those weird sites, it didn’t help to stay in touch with the regular reality.
A: Tell us more about the web sites you’ve seen.
S: Where do I start? Well, there is that Hidden Wiki thing – a title page, of sorts, at least was so for me. It served me well as a directory, and there is something to read, too, though it’s often written by crackpots. Plenty of scam and marketing around, some email services, though not much of social things generally – one more thing that makes it to feel like you are back in the past.
A: Do you mean those “likes” and all kinds of dependencies on external web sites? It sounds good to not have them.
S: Right, those; also “share” buttons, and other social networking things. And yes, in part that’s what made me to stick there for a while. But, you know, the sites still look like they were made by those mentally challenged people, which makes it hard to enjoy: there are even anonymous design studios, one of which literally hurts my eyes, and they offer to make sites exactly like their own.
A: That should be a crime, makes sense that they are anonymous. But why would somebody want to pay for that?
S: Well, it’s fancier than most of the sites there, I guess. Ah, did I mention ads? There are terrible, ugly, flashing web banners around – I can barely imagine how somebody can make something that bad; makes me to wonder why do they do that. And they advertise some junk, too; just doubling BTC instead of penises. Usual ad blocking won’t work, since they don’t provide lists for .onion sites, so you have to get rid of that manually.
A: Sounds appaling. Why didn’t you come back to the regular web at once?
S: A few reasons, actually. Firstly, I’m pretty sick of the regular web as well; it is easier around the regular web, since I know a few good sites already, and learned how to avoid the ones I wouldn’t like, but thought that I’ll find good ones there as well. Secondly, it’s all pretty charming: you know, a made-by-a-retarded-person kind of charming, but charming nevertheless. Thirdly… No, that’s all, I think.
A: Okay, what else have you seen there? Is it filled with cats and the pictures that were considered funny back in a day?
S: Cat pictures were one of the first things I’ve tried to find there, but found pictures of girls killing cats instead. Tried again after some time, and tried different search engines; seen a lot of Russian fraud-looking sites, regular fraud-looking sites, tons of child porn – mostly that kind of thing. Sometimes cat zoophile stories in German. A lot of defunct websites, too. Never before it was so hard to find funny cat photos.
A: No cats at all?
S: Well, there are Anonymous Cat Facts, for instance – another example of a poor site right from the 90s, but with a cat photo and facts. If you are lucky enough, you may find some cat photos on non-CP imageboards. And yes, they distinguish regular sites from child porn ones that way, where default is CP.
A: It sounds like Dark Web is made out of child porn in the same way as internet is made out of porn.
S: Yes, pretty much, though there’s probably also more of commercialism. So, such general discussion imageboards, as well as forums, are mostly about conspiracy theories, newbie-level privacy, security and hacking, stupid — though probably working, you can never underestimate people — scam schemas, and so on; bitcoins are often involved, too. Also sex and drugs, of course, and music sometimes. It actually makes sense why the sites are so bad there – they are made by the same people. Virtually everything that may seem interesting suffers from being composed by kids, crackpots, et cetera. Because of that, you just stumble around, and not really reading, writing, or doing anything there.
A: Sounds like a description of a social network to me, or of any other imageboard – just less restrictive. So you got bored of it and decided to return?
S: Not exactly, no. One day I woke up and accidently started my old web browser, while was still sleepy. It restored my old tabs, but even Google didn’t recognize me: the tabs with search queries were filled with some irrelevant information – they looked approximately how I always imagined the last pages, it felt like hitting rock bottom. That’s how I found your magazine, by the way. And that’s when I figured that I should change my life.
A: Well, thank you, I guess. Is it all?
S: Yes, pretty much. You’re welcome.
A: That was kind of boring.
S: Screw you.
A: Screw you!
Though this particular survivor turned out to be an asshole, The Asocial decided that its presence in the so-called “Dark Web” is necessary in order to provide a cozy shelter for those who discover such networks.